I'm making a packing list. I'm going to Ireland the end of this month for a couple of weeks and I'm trying to figure out what I need to take. Trouble is, I don't want to go.
I've been fighting this thought for months. At first I figured it was because Aaron and the boys weren't going -- it's just my mom, my sister and me. Then I thought maybe it was because it was just my mom, my sister and me and two weeks is a long time to be with people you haven't lived with in years. Then I thought it was because I didn't know which relatives I would be staying with, or I wasn't sure what I was going to do with the kids while I was gone or that I was using up too much vacation. I finally realized why I don't want to go.
I don't want to say goodbye to my dad. Dad died unexpectedly in May and we are using his "estate" money to take his ashes to Ireland. I'm not big into reality and I've kind of been pretending in my head that he isn't dead, he's just visiting in Ireland and he'll be back in a couple of weeks. Once we go over there, the pretending will end and my dad won't be visiting, he'll be gone. And I don't want him to be gone.
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